LEE

Love, Justin Wyman ;)

i’ve come to a point in my life were i praise God for breaking me down, pulling me apart piece by piece, and then molding me all back together the way He designed for me to be. the process of being miserably broken is of course the hardest part of it, but being someone like myself being broken is actually the easiest part because all i knew is suffering. i know that sounds dramatic or heart breaking, but it’s real and true and although i have endured quite a lot i appreciate it so much more now. no, my life isn’t fully together but i don’t believe anyone’s life is ever suppose to be fully together because if it were we wouldn’t need God. i have absolute no idea what i would have done or where i would have been if i didn’t give my life to Jesus..actually i think i do, i would have become an alcoholic and addicted drugs no doubt in my mind and no better than my biological mother but He brought phillie’s into my life and they have been the ultimate blessing besides my never ending loving family although college station was the LAST choice for where i wanted to be i am so thankful i am there now i absolutely love it i never thought i would say that all in all everything is coming together as well as breaking apart from time to time wonderfully and i have finally found true joy in my life.

 Reminds me of C and the way he probably feels to be quite honest. I don’t completely agree with all of it, but for the most part it’s true and real. I find myself coming across songs lately that remind me of him and in that moment I find the desire to send him these lyrics not knowing what would come out of it. I don’t want him to contact me. I just want to let that off of my chest, but I know it would be doing harm than good. I am confused as to whether I feel as if I really moved on. I know in my head I did and will continue to move forward. My heart says I still care for him, which is not necessarily a bad thing..well not in my mind. I still care for Allen despite everything we went through. I forgive and I move forward with my life only hoping the best for them and myself. I am not sure why I feel the need to send this to him. It’s unexplainable and irrational probably. Two words that have always clearly defined me.  Hopefully God will give me some hidden answers as to why I am feeling this way.

 A Romantic Fairytale:

I lay in my bed and think of all that was said and done
It’s two in the morning my mood swings are boring to you now
You just drive away, now we don’t think I mean it when I say sorry.
‘Cause I’ve already said it too many times; Sorry, my bad.
I never wanted us to be like this
I never dreamed of me treating you like this (of anything but a pure kiss)
and I’m trying to find a way out of this mess
That I guess I put us in on my own (we got us in ourselves)
I hung up on you tonight
For my first time in a fight
Whatever happened to
“you hang up” “no you hang up”?
Please hold on to me
I’m begging you and I’m on my knees again
I know you have every right to leave me,
But sweetie, will you hang on to me?
Let me say just this to you,
I know that we can pull through.
We’re always given a way out of these temptations.

Another song

My empty promises
Led to our demise
And I could never tell you how I really feel
And for that I eternally apologize

My empty promises
My empty promises
Brought us to an end
I just hurt you and I never looked back
Now I have no logic to defend

I would like to thank you, for showing me
A part of myself that I have never seen
Yeah, we were young and dumb, but it still was fun
And I guess these things just tend to fall apart

I would like to thank you, for showing me
A part of the world that I have never seen
Yeah, I was young and dumb, but it still was fun
I’m forever indebted to you
I hope you feel the same

You seem like such a big part
Of my life and my heart
But the truth is I’ve found something new
And she easily towers over you

I’m on my way home from san angelo and just finished reading this wonderful book about borderline personality disorder. I’m so interested in the mind and disorders I’m trying to find diagnosis now ha. Bestie, if your reading this I’m really worried about you. I love you and I’ll see you soon. I’m so ready to move on to bigger and better things than harlingen south high school that place ruins my life and has since day one I could careless about most of the people and anything else there please go away I’m still driving home from san angelo looooongest drive of my life besides dallas um most boys are dumb and ridiculous grow up i’ve had this huge obessession with mexican foooood I never thought I would see that coming oh we got a new dog named bailey she’s a little paaaain I can’t wait for my baby in march! hm other than that I’m ready for sb and this year to be over with atx here I come

what a sad, sad week. I would like for it to be over with anytime now. tomorrow is going to be even more depressing ad well as thursday I dreaaaad it.

i like golden girls and fiesta panties

these emotions overwhelm me it’s like I’m breathing one minute and the next im gasping for air

it’s so strange how you can fall for someone everyday when there 277282 miles away but it happens and I never thought I would say this, but it is to me. I don’t know what to do especially with my emotions but I think I’m doing the best I can. I miss him so much it hurts.